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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Speaks

Fear is your Friend!

Updated: Sep 28, 2019

Last night I went live on Facebook to Vlog about why I believe fearlessness is not something that you should aspire to; on why FEAR is actually a GOOD experience despite is bringing about negative feelings. You can see the full video here; (Here)

Or if you’re in a hurry, I’ll summarise.

A. You can’t be considered brave or courageous without facing your fear!

B. Fear prompts our intrinsic signals (fight or flight) to jump start.

C. Because of this… fear becomes instructive. Utilise it well!


I have so many different tips and techniques which I use with clients who are facing a fear of theirs. But here’s a quick few to give you some food for thought in the meantime.

  1. See the above (watch the video!) FEAR is your friend. Do this step before any else.

  2. Baby Steps. If you’re ready to embrace your fear; take a baby step. A little risk. Set yourself a small target that is easily obtainable, and gradually hit the big risks! Think of it in the same way you would run a marathon. You don’t buy some trainers and run 23.1 miles the same day. You break it down in to small, achievable goals, and gradually increase the target until you hit goal. Don’t paralyse yourself by taking a huge leap!

  3. Practise makes perfect. It’s a cliché, I know. But its true! You need to practise to boredom. One technique I use myself. If you have to stand in front of a room full of people and present your work, for example. Stand in front of a mirror. Practise. You will notice the things you’re subconsciously fearing. The funny facial expressions you pull. The awkward hand gesture you make. Keep on doing it in front of the mirror until you are bored. Until you can repeat it with ease and the nervous tics disappear. Then go and show your family or friends. A speaker who successfully looks comfortable on stage has practised. Don’t negate how powerful this simple technique can be!

  4. STOP WAITING for the fear to go away. If you wait for fear to dissipate alone, then you could be waiting your entire lifetime. The only thing to make a fear disappear, is facing it. Accept fear is a fact of life. Take baby steps to let it in and the more you do it, the easier it becomes. If you have an intense fear of flying yet your job requires you to travel in future, start by taking short flights. Better still. Start by plane spotting if you need to! Just don’t expect the fear to disappear alone. The positive side to taking fear along for the ride is that you get a dose of adrenaline and energy to see you through – just don’t forget to catch some rest afterwards!

In summary, fearlessness is not a goal to be aspired to. Fear is not a problem. It’s how we choose to respond to the fear, and what actions we take that will ultimately make it our friend as opposed to an enemy. We can choose to let fear consume us, or we can decipher and process the message that it is sending. Who is going to be bold with me?

#insecurity #fear #VLog #negative #lifedevelopmentcoach #coach #halloween

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